A List of Things Phil Knows About Marriage

Male-Female relationships, in my opinion, are hard to pin down and to put together in a neat package because people and their relationships are so diverse. I find myself having trouble encouraging believers with a concise viewpoint on them. Nonetheless, I have always managed a way to say tidbits of information that have help them and have now formed what I believe about them. So here they are: a list of things that I hope will prove to be wisdom to whoever reads this.

  • Relationships are purposed for the glory of God. As it was God’s design, it was God’s idea, and it is for God’s glory. A blessed relationship has Christ at the center.
  • God gave Adam a job to do (to name the animals and to have dominion over the earth) before He gave him Eve to help him do that job. This insight provokes caution for us to have a purposeful mindset about relationships before entering into one.
  • It is natural to feel lonely or “incomplete” if not in a relationship, as Adam’s singleness was the first thing, even before sin entered into the world, that God had said was not good.
  • But on the other side of a coin, things are not just the same because sin is in the world. Therefore, Paul writes, “It is good for a man not to marry…An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs- how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world- how he can please his wife- and his interests are divided.”
  • Having a good marriage is not magical, nor are people born with a special talent to maintain one. It needs to be worked on constantly from the moment you meet the person till “death do us part.”
  • I believe the two biggest reasons long marriages become cold and regretful are because of selfishness and unforgiveness. If we can humble ourselves to get around these two, then we are in for a blessed marriage the rest of our lives.
  • Study your wife. Know what she likes, what she doesn’t like. How she likes her salad, what temperature she is comfortable at, what her favorite foods are, what fires her up, what turns her off, her biggest fears, her ambitions, how many kids she wants, what she can’t stand about you, what she loves about you, what annoys her, what offends her, what she finds funny, what she takes very seriously, and on and on… Know everything about her. In other words, get a PhD in your wife.
  • God has ordained that this relationship should mirror the unconditional trust and open relationship that you have with Him. The possibilities of how intimate and how great of friends you two can become is endless if you can go deep in this. Open yourself to her. And if you should find it hard to do so,  you should ask yourself frankly why that is.
  • On the same note, pray with your wife. You should open up your hearts together to the Lord as a single unit. She is longing for that spiritual intimacy as God is too.
  • Pray for your wife. When God had turned two into one, He had also placed on you the responsibility for your wife’s spiritual, emotional, and physical well-being. And when she hurts or is burdened, you should be as well. You should, as a matter of fact, pray for your wife everyday– that she might not sin against God, but that she might be full of His Spirit as you ask for the same blessing before you start your day.
  • Contrary to the Westernized-If-It-Can’t-Be-Seen-Or-Measured-It’s-Not-Real thinking about the nature of the world we live in, spiritual warfare leaves no mercy for your relationship. If you find yourself irrationally angry or hateful, suspect enemy activity. If you find a sudden oppression in your relationship, suspect enemy activity. Of course, this needs to be weighed with the effects of our sinful nature that causes us to do these things. But often, it is a combination of both- where the enemy will utilize your spiritual weaknesses and exploit them so that your unity with your wife is destroyed.
  • People will get physically old and the attractiveness of their youth shall fade. I pray my wife will be “renewed day by day inwardly” that I might have the joy of beholding someone becoming more beautiful.
  • Sex does not serve as medicine for a bad day, but a topping for a great one. God’s mercies are new every day- try again tomorrow.

That’s all for today folks!
God Bless!

Phillip Chan

Phil has been writing for 10 years. His passion is to grow in his love for Jesus to obey his purposes in our generation.

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